Marvel Comics Relaunch… Again

Divided We Stand. Aaaaargh. Literally, Aaaaargh!

So, we are part way through Civil War II, a series that makes literally no sense. Secret Wars II was simultaneously boring and late (still haven’t finished it, or bought anything after it). when along comes another reboot, with another cluster of No 1’s. Anyone remember the 80s? No? Well, you’re probably doing better than Axel Alonso, who by his comments at FastCoCreate, the PR firm that handles this type of announcement, remembers zero about recent events in the Marvel Universe. Possibly because they sent him to sleep, just like everyone else. Or more likely, because like most adults he doesn’t read his firm’s crappy superhero comics.

Well, Good New Everybody! Here comes Marvel Now: Divided We Fall (we can only wish) yet another resetting of the current, frankly mediocre, status quo. (Did Marvel pay someone a lot of cash for “Marvel Now”? When, if not “Now”? They like to use it a lot.)
Anyway, the storyline features the return and reboot of a major power player in the MU as a cosmic serial killer, who captures heroes and villains, and dissects them to create mega-powered hybrids loyal only to himself – hence Divided We Fall. You’ll never guess who it is. Miracleman! No, sorry, I’m just funnin’ ya. But that plot line will look pretty good come Fall 2016 when this latest attempt to separate the gullible and their cash arrives

Marvel EIC Axel Alonso says things like:

“This is not an event. It’s the status quo of the Marvel Universe in the aftermath of the war.” Oh reaaallly. It’s not an event, just some stuff you stuck together, and thought you’d hire a PR firm to “mention”.

“It’s a glimpse as to whom we can point to in the coming year, with just enough “What the heck’s going on there’ spots to get people speculating. ‘There’s no Tony Stark in that picture, but who’s that guy holding the helmet? Is that Doctor Doom?” Yes, yes it is. And I fear the ‘What the heck’s going on there’ spots may morph into ‘Who cares what the fuck’s going on there’ spots.

“The young girl in the grey armour looks a lot like the new War Machine . . .” That would be because she is. Replacement War Machine (I think her name is Riri, which will give you some idea of the coolness quotient of the creators). A crap and tedious version of Iron Man that you just killed off to goose the readers of Civil Snore II. And this time, you created a token hero who will work for people of colour and women. Diversity thy name is Marvel Comics.

“They’re all there because they matter… They’ll either be in a solo series, or they’ll be a key member of a team, or they’ll do something that you will be talking about in a Marvel book that will bring them into a position of prominence. They’re there for a reason. Including that big, big, big what appears to be a Godzilla foot.” Or American Kaiju from New Avengers.

“Looking at the teaser now, I’m noticing for the first time that you’ve got five caucasian characters in the mix, five African-American characters, a Korean-American Hulk—it’s more diverse than I ever would have imagined, and I think that’s a good thing.” Hey, does the monster count? And if it’s the “first time” you’ve noticed and more than you “ever would have imagined” do read your comics? Answer: No, no you don’t.

Frankly, that’s some fugly drawing right there – are you excited by this? Is this really “not an event”? Will it have scads of new titles that tie in on a vague and tendentious manner? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and shares a PR firm with a duck, I reckon it’s a duck. Leave any comments below – I’d love to hear from you, especially if you have as much “event fatigue” as me. We could start a support group.